Background:
If you have been reading PervertedGeek’s previous posts, you are aware yesterday was Black Friday, the day retailers offer products below cost to bring consumers to their stores and to officially start the holiday season. While standing in line to checkout at one of the stores I visited, I overheard someone behind me who was talking into a cell phone. Normally I try to not pay attention or overhear what people are talking about on their cell phone however the individual in question was yelling into his cell phone so I am sure half the store heard what he said.

Relevant Facts :

• The store opened at 6:00am
• The guy started talking on the cell phone in the checkout line at 7:47
• The guy started talking on his cell phone seconds after he entered the checkout line
• The guy wanted an LCD monitor of which the ad clearly says only 25 are available
• Based on the price the store was most likely selling the LCD below cost
• While on his cell phone the individual made it clear he had not waited outside for the store to open nor had he arrived when the doors first opened
• There were at least 100 people waiting outside for the store to open

The Story:
By this point you should be wondering what the point of this post is. While on his cell he was talking to someone telling them his disgust for the fact the store had no LCD monitor for him and how the employees at the store had given them out to the people who had arrived to the store earlier than he had; those bastards, how dare the store give out the best deals to the first people who come to the store. That’s right he was upset because the store ran out of an item he wanted even though he must have been the 500th person to arrive at the store and the sale ad clearly stated only 25 were available.

Despite what you may think it is not possible to talk of the cell phone, eat your cereal and still drive in a safe and proficient manner, yet someone still believes it is possible. Instead of just calling this guy a dumbass and since I doubt he is the only that has ever tried to it, I have instead decided to write an open letter to Chevy to help resolve the problem of driving safely while talking on a cell phone and eating cereal.

Dear Chevy:

It has come to my attention there is a major feature which is missing from your automotive product line. I request you add bowl holders to your steering wheels. To avoid the bowls from spilling over when a dumbass turns his wheel you will have to add a gyroscope so the bowl remains in level. By adding this key feature to your cars it will become possible for some one to use a spoon with one hand, use a cell phone in the other, steer the vehicle with one leg while accelerating with the other leg.

I understand that adding a bowl holder with a gyroscope will add more cost to the production of the vehicle so to save money I recommend you remove the turn signal since the person diving will not have to free hand to use the turn single and if they actually get off the cell phone or stop eating they will not use the turn signal anyway.

Please add this new key feature as soon as possible for the dumbasses of the world can no longer get by in this world by only being able to do one thing at a time while driving.

Sincerely,
PervertedGeek

It became evident to me today that people do not know how to be civilized while driving. When driving on a two lane road and one of the lanes becomes blocked due to a delivery truck or broken down car, the civilized thing is to let the cars in the blacked lane merge into your lane. This does not mean you have to let everyone merge in from of you , however if each car lets one car merge in front of them then traffic can keep moving and no one has to be stuck in the blocked lane.

If you decide to be uncivilized and not let a car merge in front of you then do not give a car the perception you are letting them in your lane by slowing down and giving them room to merge but at the last minute as the car is about be complete the merge hit your gas causing them swing back into their original lane so you do not hit them.

Why must people speed so they can reach the stop light faster? Do you want to receive an award because you reached the light faster? Do you think the light will change to green before you reach the light? That is not possible because the light just turned red. Do you not pay attention to traffic and traffic lights in front of you? You are aware that lights do not turn go from green to red back to green in less than 20 seconds? What purpose does it serve besides burning more gas and wearing out your breaks to be first? For those who are not aware, the faster you are going the harder it is for your breaks to slow down your car and as a result your breaks are worn out faster. On top of that many times than not, you are unable to stop before the white line and end up blocking traffic trying to make a left turn. When someone trying to turn left and hits the corner of your car because you stopped to far up it is not their fault but rather it is your because you sir are a dumbass.

How about you pay attention to traffic in front of you and when you see you are approaching a red light you actually take your damn foot off the gas, you might actually discover your car will get better mpg.

When there is a traffic jam and traffic is backed up, why must people use the shoulder so they do not have to wait in traffic like everyone else? What makes you so damn special you believe you can use the shoulder and fly past everyone else that is waiting? Unless you have lights on the top on your car and a siren there is no reason you should be trying to pass everyone by using the shoulder. Is it because that is the closest your SUV will ever get to off roading?

Those of you trying to pass everyone by using the shoulder are not the only ones to blame. Why the hell do people let the people using the shoulder back into traffic? Make the people trying to pass everyone wait in the shoulder. Do not let them back into traffic. Why the hell do they deserve to pass everyone? It is because of these people traffic slows down more than it already has.

This common sense announcement to all the bikers who refuse to wear leather while riding their motorcycles, we at PervertedGeek understand that we cannot force you to wear a helmet but be strongly suggested you at least wear leather clothing. The reason for this is so when you crash your bike and spilt your head open the doctors can at least put your organs to good use, which you certainly are not.

Almost everyday I see bikers without leather yet they still have a helmet on. What is the point? So when you crash the brain bucket will make it easier to clean you off the road? If you crash your head will survive yet the rest of your body will be spread across several lanes of traffic.